Coming Down My Drive

I am thrilled to announce the release of my first single, Coming Down My Drive; a journey through the chaos that family brings during the holidays.


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It won’t be long til they arrive, coming down my drive
Family’s here just once a year, God I hope they all survive

Quarter to eight and I’m stressing that the vinaigrette dressing is about to be late
Turkey is cooking but it’s looking like the bird is so big it will not fit on its plate
Twenty past nine I’ve decided it is going to be fine to have the salad undressed
Round about ten the anxiety has hit me again now I’m completely distressed
The kitchen looks like Jackson Pollock has just gone to town
How the fuck do I clean up before the family comes round

Hour and a half seems to pass before the first of my aunts arrives and settles on in
She offers a phoney hello before we both hit the lounge and get stuck into the gin
My dad and my mum have both come but neither of them will stay unless the other one leaves
The family holds an intervention that would rival the UN round the biscuits and cheese
The table’s set, the food is prepped now there’s a moment of peace
I think we’re fine until a glass of wine is destroyed by a niece

The uncle’s a grouch, he’s asleep on the couch and a stream of saliva runs out of his mouth
The auntie is rolling her eyes as she’s doling out insults and calling her husband a slouch
The kids are about to be handing out gifts from the tree…

Bottles of brandy in the kitchen tell us what to expect is in the bowls of hard sauce
I watch as my daughter takes a saucer then begins to dig in to find it’s not what she thought
Just for a moment there is peace, the house is still and at ease, we make a toast and relax
This is what Christmas is about, we’re not completely flat out, we stop and all have a chat
The kids hand out the gifts and all look completely perplexed
They never see this family so don’t know one from the next

The children start fighting and I am delighting in watching the chaos descend on us all
My grandma is prickly and now that she’s tipsy she’s arguing loudly and having a ball
My grandpa will never be far the bar and he’s heckling the TV I’ve just had installed
As much as there’s pain now I can’t quite explain how we still love each other despite all our flaws
It’s now a whole year until this Christmas cheer again calls…

It won’t be long til they arrive, coming down my drive
Wish they were here more every year. God I’m glad they’re in my life.


Written and performed by Richard Thornton

Recorded and mixed by Christopher Wiseman

Recorded at The Base Recording Studios, South Melbourne

Mastered by Jacob Munnery at Clockwork Mastering