Stay the F Inside

As the world continues to wrestle with the coronavirus pandemic, there’s one thing we know that can make a difference, and that’s simply staying home.

After my earlier ode to poo, this follow up song is dedicated to those people who don’t get the choice to stay home – our medical professionals, emergency service personnel and Uber Eats drivers.

Written, performed, recorded, mastered, disinfected and sterilised by Richard Thornton.


There’s a global crisis that has got us all on edge.
The world is changing, that is true.
We don’t know what is next, can’t see the road ahead.
But there’s one thing we’ve got to do.

The news confuses us, I’m going to lose my mind,
The outlook changes every day.
Armchair experts and their research, sharing shit they find.
The noise is driving me insane…

It doesn’t matter if you’re seventy-six or twenty-three,
And there’s really no reason that you should be listenin’ to me.
But here I am and while I’ve got the microphone,
Take it or leave it, you’ve gotta believe it, there’s just one thing set in stone.

The talking heads all tell us we should wash our hands,
But your personal hygiene doesn’t matter to me if you’re hangin’ with your fam!
This social distancing is only just the start,
Hear me on out, you shouldn’t fear it or doubt that what I’m saying comes from my heart.

Here’s a bit of advice, that is totally bona-fide,
All you’ve got to do is simply stay the fuck inside.

We…ve seen what is happening in cities overseas,
And instead of adapting we’ve been overreacting, hoarding groceries.
The supermarket shelves are empty every day,
Just cut that shit, chill a bit, hear what I’ve got to say.

There are some people who don’t get to stay inside
They’re the ones who’ll be there, providing us care, if our health starts to decline.
To any fuckwits who refuse to do their bit,
Nah actually I’ve got nothing to say you stupid pieces of…

Here’s a bit of advice, that is totally cut and dried,
All you’ve got to do is simply stay the fuck inside.

Wee…kly see the sick increasing all around the earth,
And we know there’s a way to keep the virus at bay and get the numbers to reverse,
So let’s all break the chain, try flattening the curve,
By watching people sing online ya crazy bunch of nerds!

Here’s a bit of advice, that is totally justified,
All you’ve got to do is simply stay the fuck inside.

Free YouTube Live Show

There’s no denying we’re living in a stressful environment at the moment, with uncertainty and uneasiness soaring around us as the coronavirus pandemic grows. And I have but one coping mechanism; ignore the shit out of it and put on a show!

Ok so that’s not quite true. Ignoring advice from people who know more than I do would be a bloody stupid thing to do. Anyone want to duck down to Bondi Beach for a quick dip in virus?

But putting on a show? You bloody betcha. And having held a great show for the kids last weekend, I’m ready to cut loose and put on a show for us grown ups. ‘Cause Lord knows we need a little release.

So join me on Friday night (Mar 27) over on my YouTube channel. Or even tune in directly from this page below! There’ll be my own songs of course, but I’ll throw in some Tim Minchin, Flight of the Conchords, Scaredies, Paul & Storm and any other random fun I can think of.

Hope to see you there!

Concert for the kids

Our local kids festival has was cancelled, leaving lots of families like mine home with their kidlets at a time when we’re all just a little bit more on edge. I love performing and hoped that by putting on this show, I could help entertain you and your kids for a moment and that we could all share a laugh or two.

I held this show at 10am on Sunday, March 15th on my my Facebook page, where you can now watch it in all its glory!

O M F ing G

O M F ing G is a brand new, original song, dedicated to those who are freaking the heck out about toilet paper as the COVID-19 virus spreads. Here in Australia we have supermarkets completely sold out of the stuff, while staples like canned foods and pastas are in plentiful supply.

Wash your hands folks. Stay home if you’re feeling crook. Enjoy this short little life we have – as Douglas Adams wrote – DON’T PANIC!

Written, performed, recorded, mastered, sterilised with disinfectant by Richard Thornton


O M F ing G, there’s a virus going ‘round.
What the heck am I supposed to do, woohoo.
Quarantine is likely. My fear is growing nightly.
Just imagine if I’ve got to poo.

O M F ing G I could come down with a fever and be
Stuck at home for fourteen days with you,
I’ll duck down to the supermarket, maybe buy some soup but fuck it
Terrifies me I might have to poo.

O M F ing G there’s so much I have to buy, I just can’t
Think of what we’ll need when this comes through,
Should I buy some rice or pasta, stuff that might just last a week or
Two, NOPE I’m going to have to poo.

O M F ing G I can’t find the toilet paper.
I only want to buy a box or two,
A fight breaks out in aisle three so they don’t notice me take off with
Half their stash of paper for my poo.

O M F ing G, I’m at home in quarantine.
The toilet paper’s stuck up neatly in the loo.
I wish I had some laxative. I’m bound up by the drugs they give.
God, I wish that I could do a poo.

New Year. New Website.

It’s happened before. No doubt it will happen again. But here we are with a new lick of paint and some pretty awesome new features.

In the past I’ve had trouble differentiating between my career in technology and my passion for performing. But with the coming of my company, Cloud Innovation, I can finally keep my technobabble out of your face!

I’m pretty excited that this site now entirely focuses on my music, with dedicated Galleries, Releases, Videos, Show Dates and so much more!

So enjoy the content I’ve already been able to source. And brace yourself. The onslaught that will be 2020 is just beginning.

Remembrance Day 2016 with Red Symons

Continuing with my tradition of discovering new and interesting bugling experiences, Remembrance Day 2016 turned it up and gave me another memorable one; an interview and performance with Red Symons on Melbourne’s 774 ABC Radio.

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